Mother's day is just around the corner and without a doubt is a day to pay homage to the person who served as a mobile spawn point while we waited in our own personal matchmaking lobby for a full nine months. Sure, flowers and candy would do or a trip to the spa might be the best gift possible for mommy dearest. Maybe even a dinner and movie to remind her of her motherly instincts and how much you certainly love her in one fell swoop. Any of these things would be awesome and in your thankfulness to your mom, I'm sure you'd be willing to bend over backwards for her on this one day out of the year that she gets a break from cooking for you, cleaning up after you and driving you and your friends around – because you look so cool sitting in the back of her van. But, what if she wasn't your mom? What if somehow you wound up on the doorstep of one of the meanest, biggest badasses in a video game? You think you would've turned out so well if after the playground injury you were told by your mom to walk that hemorrhaging pancreas off? Doubt it. So, this Mother's Day, make sure to take the time to go and give your actual mother an extra firm hug and be thankful you got her, and not one of the below badasses.
10. Marcus Fenix: Marcus Fenix isn't what anyone should ever refer to as a 'Family Man'. If you need someone to crush skulls under boot, cut creatures in half or condemn humanity to an excruciatingly slow extinction – Fenix is your guy. This whole, 'playing mom' thing couldn't be more foreign to Marcus. As an experienced combat veteran of both the Pendulum Wars and the current COG struggle against the Locust Horde and the offshoot mutant Lambents, there is little doubt that Mr. Fenix can not only kick ass, but has the ability to take names as well. For someone who is attempting to keep his species alive, no one has more resolve. But try and get him to go to a PTA meeting and you just might find yourself getting pistol whipped and told to go back to your room and clean your Lancer. After all, you only have so much time to spend together before something gets its claws on you. Now man up, Nancy boy.
9. Coach: If there are hordes of the undead lurking around every corner, the last thing I want to be told is that all the fundamentals of life can be learned from football. Simply said, there were never fast zombies on the football field and not even the thought of pads is comforting when a berserk Charger is coming towards me. Sure, you'd get to spend lots of time together, covering corners and making sure you don't get dragged off into the corner by something craving your delicious flesh, but there'd be little time to develop as a family unit and who wants to live in a world like that?
8. Cowboy: You've seen the cover of the new Medal of Honor, if you haven't go and check it out really quick. If you have, you'll immediately be familiar with the gentleman currently on the cover of the box. If you weren't aware, that character is based off an actual tier 1 operator who has seen more deployments to Afghanistan than you have to the inside of your girlfriend's bedroom. He could make you breakfast, that is after he finishes rooting out a terrorist stronghold and breaking every neck between there and the carton of eggs in the refrigerator. Oh, and he can make omelets, but you have to fight him for yours. If you lose, its twenty laps around base camp and you can try again at evening mess.
7. Commander Shepard: So, you end up with Shepard, what's the worst that could happen? Well, let's see. You're in foster care for at least 2 years while Cerberus returns him from the brink of death. And even then, you'll probably have a better chance of emailing him that actually sitting down and talking to him about school, that female Krogan you have a weird crush on or why it seems like his quarters have a revolving door, along with some very odd noises at all hours of the night. And don't even think of screwing with him if he's all dark and renegade – because all bets of getting that new bike are off – one second you're asking for it, the next you've had your ass launched out an airlock. Let's face it, if that's really his mentality, you're as replaceable as the crazy chick he's messing around with that's covered in tattoos.
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