2. Sergeant Major Johnson: It takes a rare breed of badass to fight both a hostile alien conglomeration and survive another that only sees sentient forms of biology as food. Either way, that breed of badass is embodied by Sergeant Johnson. While he may not be a Spartan, there is no challenge in the universe that he won’t back down from, which is awesome when you and the other kids get into a, “My dad can beat up your dad” argument on the playground. Because not only will Johnson beat up your dad, he will beat up your entire family. Yes, even your grandma who lied and said she was going to Florida just to hide from the beating. He can teach you not only how to yell with conviction, but give you snappy one-liner capable of imbuing you with a sense of confidence that will have you walking into fistfights with Hunters in no time. Other motherly qualities include nurturing your desire to kick ass and instructing you in ‘knowing what the ladies like’ – because even if the Covenant wiped out humanity, rest assured you’d still have Sergeant Johnson around to call mom.
1. Captain Price: I don’t think Captain Price was ever even capable of turning his back on his own mother. So expecting him to have any sort of motherly qualities whatsoever is really just shooting for the stars with the hope that you land out of knife throwing range. But as Price has proved more often than not, there isn’t anywhere on the globe anyone is safe from him. You go on a class field trip to the planetarium, you better check the rafters, because he’s going to be there watching. Camping trip – don’t expect him to answer on the off chance you call home, merely be suspicious of that bush about a thousand yards away that somehow started ringing. And your Senior trip to Europe, well, don’t be surprised when instead of flying with the other ‘wussy civilains’ you get your ass pushed out of a C-130 flying over the target drop zone. But it’s cool, because Mama Price will always look after you even if he has to hunt down every evil general and terrorist in the world to do it – just be careful of Soap, he really doesn’t like it when you call him “Uncle Soapy”.
Motherly figures or not, this list was written because my dad raised my brother and I alone from a very young age. He has since then remarried, but I hope you all can see where I’m coming from when Mother’s Day rolls around the corner. You sincerely have to appreciate someone who takes the time and puts in the effort of two people on a consistent basis. Yes, it’s difficult enough when you have two parents and I’m not demeaning moms. I’m saying that if you have a mom, you should appreciate her whether she acted as your spawn point or is a recent addition to your party. It isn’t always easy and you might not always get along with either of your parents, but deep down, they try pretty hard I’m guessing if there are as many kids out there with Xbox 360’s as the statistics say there are. So if you can, give whomever you call mom a hug this Sunday and if you can’t, I’m sure your fingers aren’t broken. From everyone at PlanetXbox360, we wish all the Mom’s out there a very happy mother’s day.
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