For anyone who grew up in an era when 8-bit games rules the industry and the closest thing to multiplayer was the person sitting next to you on the couch in the living room – online gaming still has a few bumps in the road to overcome. Technically speaking, playing a game online has never been easier for the average gamer. Services like Steam, Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network make it so that just about any game can be played online at anytime with an exceptionally ridiculous level of convenience. But the fact that this ability is within the hands of the average person is where the most danger lies. More often than not, gamers will be exposed to a plethora of personality types, regardless of what game they choose to play online. Therefore, statistically, several will eventually stand out more than others and achieve a level of knowledge amongst the gaming population – be it for the good or bad. Below is listed the top 5 disturbing personas found on Xbox LIVE, no matter which game you are playing or what time of the night it is; there is always at least one of each of these type players in every game.
5. The Chatty Cathy: These are the gamers that always have something to say and odds are it is usually the last thing you would possibly want to hear. The problem with the Chatty Cathy’s is nothing more than the fact that they are preposterously in love with the sound of their own voices and they feel that they should give you more than ample opportunity to fall the hell in love with it as well. They will sing their personal rendition of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” while you’re trying to get into the perfect sniper position or recite the United States Constitution, word for word, while you’re running for a safe room. And should you ever try to shut them up, they will remind you how much of a right it is that they have to speak and will double their efforts to bombard you and your fellow teammates with mental static. It’s this player that has since caused the invention of such things as the “Mute”, so that you can drown out superfluous verbiage at your leisure. I don’t care that you want to have a conversation with me about why you think your cat stares at you more when you’re playing Left 4 Dead 2 instead of the original. Shut the hell up, keep shooting and just let me know if a charger is coming. Thanks.
4. The Juvenile Delinquent: You know those kids you see crying to their parents in the middle of a GameStop or Toys R Us begging their mom or grandma for Grand Theft Auto IV, Halo 3 or Modern Warfare 2. These are those goddamn kids. Sure, they’ll be all tears in front of mommy dearest, but as soon as you score a headshot on them be prepared for a torrent of profanity that would surely make grandma give them a good slap across the ass to say the least. Beating out the Chatty Cathy only slightly for the fact that these kids not only never cease to shut their mouths, but sincerely believe that anonymity and a microphone give them all the right in the world to talk to people twice, if not three times their age with an incalculable amount of disrespect. They’ll hurry to team-kill you if you beat them to a Warthog, but would absolutely die if you ever found out that their mommy probably gives them a haircut and picks them up after school with a snack waiting in the minivan – after all, they do get so aggravated if they miss their afternoon naps. Yet again, this is why the “Mute” function was enabled for Xbox Live – to silence brats who have a bark that is significantly worse than their bite.
3. The Frat Boy: You’re playing a game that may or may not involve sniper rifles, however, the minute you go down from a shot to the head – be sure to brace yourself for the slew of swears coming from some unknown location as the perpetrator brags to his boys about punking you. This, of course, will immediately proceed you being tea bagged, which will surely secure his place in the fraternity as an ‘excellent gamer’, seeing him climb his way in the hierarchy of fellow asshats who condone such behavior. More often than not, these players will either be drunk or stoned and will have no restraint whatsoever in telling you how much they are – to no end – even if you ask them to stop repeatedly. They will constantly be quoting an episode of American Dad, Family Guy, South park, The Simpsons, Futurama or anything on Adult Swim, which will sound trite and outdated, yet hilarious and relevant to them. You will not be able to reason with them, regardless of how much of a team-dynamic the game requires because they know that they can handle it on their own and you’d just get in their way – despite watching them spawn repeatedly. If nothing else, they believe that their modded 360 is significantly better than yours and will readily tell you how to have it done – should you tell them you don’t want to, be prepared to be told how he and everyone of his friends, who you’ve never nor will ever meet instantly have judged you to be a complete and total bitch. So, faced with the choice of continuing a game with them or quitting for the sake of your mental stability, you believe an artificial connection interruption just might be in order. Nevertheless, he’ll be sure to tell all his boys how hard you were crying when you “rage-quit” even though you had muted him since the first minute of the game.
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This feature top 5 list continues on the next page, please click below to see our final two choices for Xbox LIVE personalities.
