Ugh, Hollywood leans a little bit too much on remakes or prequels. For instance, did we really need Footloose? The Kevin Bacon classic stands on its own terms, and the only redeeming factor of the recently released retread (and yes, it’s a retread) is Dennis Quaid…and he’s got nothing on John Lithgow’s original performance. But The Thing walks a slightly different path. It’s not a remake, despite the fact that it has the exact same name – and, not to mention, logo – as the 1982 John Carpenter classic that came before. It is, instead, a prequel of sorts, taking place in the Norwegian camp where the centuries-old creature is first discovered, and the folks who have to put up with it when it eventually springs to life, going on a killing spree and even managing to copy some of its prey, right down to their very skin fibers. The story revolves mostly around a young American scientist named Kate Lloyd, who’s played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead (from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World). She’s right in the middle of this base, asked to help dissect this strange creature that’s been found way out in the wintery cold. But once her and the team of Norwegians start doing this, it’s not long before it breaks loose, and the question of who’s really human and who isn’t starts to sink in.
Fortunately, unlike other action/horror movies, this one gets its footing about 20 minutes in, so you don’t have to wait too long for things to pick up. Director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (say that three times fast) tries to mimic the same intense look and feel of John Carpenter’s film, and the CG effects don’t go too far into cheesyville, as the creature looks believable through most of the film. That said, it just can’t keep up with the original. For one thing, as great an actress as Winstead is (and cute, too), she lacks the nuances that Kurt Russell brought to his legendary role in The Thing. I know, they’re two entirely different people and that’s the way it’s supposed to be, but as a central character who supposedly brings balance to this kind of feature, Winstead comes up just a bit short. It’s not her fault, she does what she can with the script, which was written by Eric Heisserer (who also wrote Final Destination 5, which is just a slight bit better than this with its sense of bloody whimsy).
One of the big problems is that this ride doesn’t really go into “fun” territory like the original film did. A lot of the unpredictability is gone, and though there are tense moments, you can’t really consider them genuine scares. One moment, where the creature lets on what it is to a scared colleague, is pretty close, but not quite enough to claim victory. Maybe if there was someone better pitted against it than the usual blue-collar folks who could give a damn less about working in a Norwegian camp to begin with. But still, this film fares better than most schlocky horror fare, but that’s probably due to the tone of the original Thing. Both Heijningen Jr. and Heisserer find a great way to tie it back into Carpenter’s legacy, rather than pissing all over it like, say, Footloose did. I’d say it’s worth a rental once it surfaces on Blu-Ray or DVD, but it’s not something you should rush to the theater for. While you wait, hey, how about watching the original film? It’s on Blu-Ray and quite a thrill ride.
VERDICT: RENT IT.
