One of my favorite flicks from the 80’s was Chris Columbus’ Adventures In Babysitting. It’s hard to really pinpoint what my favorite part was – the interplay between the three charges that the babysitter was in charge of, the young beautiful appeal of Elisabeth Shue (fresh from her appearance of The Karate Kid), the classic “Don’t FUCK with the babysitter!” threat, or perhaps the spontaneous appearance in a blues club. Regardless, there’s something about it that makes me smile, and I can’t get enough of watching it. And I’ll tell ya, I could definitely use a viewing to cheer me up, as I simply couldn’t stand Hollywood’s attempt at a “revitalization” with The Sitter. The Sitter is everything that Adventures In Babysitting simply is not – dull, trying to strain for laughs, and not filled with a single character that I could give a crap about.
And considering that this film is the end of what’s being dubbed as the “fat Jonah Hill” era (he’s shaken off a great deal of weight – just scope him out in the Modern Warfare 3 commercials and the upcoming 21 Jump Street film trailer), this is kind of an insult to the viewer. It goes for raunch without making us enjoy ourselves in the process. As a result, it joins the pile of other failures that have come before it. Plotwise, The Sitter has some mild – VERY mild – connections in common with the old Adventures In Babysitting flick. Noah is a down on his luck kid trying to connect with his girlfriend (Ari Graynor), who likes being a sex toy without doing the work. He spends most of his time watching TV and simply doing nothing with his life, when his mother asks him to babysit in order to help her out. He agrees, but not without a fight, and soon finds himself in charge of three kids – Rodrigo, Blithe and Slater. They’re all adorable in their own right, but it only takes a few minutes before we realize, hey, they don’t get along. Noah is served his comeuppance on more than one occasion by these kids, and they’re in for a long night.
Longer than they think. It isn’t long before the girlfriend comes calling, asking Noah if he’s finally ready to have sex. Of course, it’s not without baggage, as he not only has to go to her RIGHT NOW (with the kids, natch), but also take her to a drug dealer by the name of Karl (Sam Rockwell) in order to get doped up for the occasion. Now, any rational adult would easily say no to this situation, boasting confidence and finding a girl that isn’t so much trouble. But Noah isn’t that person, and the movie breezes through its 81 minute runtime exploring his adventure with the kids into the city. This film was directed by David Gordon Green, who previously worked on such critical darlings as All the Real Girls and Pineapple Express (a TRUE comedy compared to this dreck), along with the previously released medieval adventure Your Highness (decent compared to this). I can honestly say this is his worst movie to date, mainly because he stays by the numbers, rather than trying to make something that’s genuinely funny. There isn’t a single character to care about in this film – not the kids, not worthless Noah, and not even the drug dealer. And that’s putting into consideration that he’s being played by the talented Rockwell. He’s very limited here.
What’s worse is that the film actually contains three laughs total. THREE. The rest of the stuff is predictable, with a lame oral sex scene that’s more awkward than humorous, and too many F-bombs to make the screenplay worth anything. (Someone find Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka and scream some F-bombs at them, will ya?) Worse yet, the trailer contains one of these three laughs already, so you’re practically paying full price just to laugh out loud twice. You could rent Pineapple Express and save yourself some pain in the process. What’s more, Green managed to make the process even worse by trying to build character with some unneeded, cliché-style drama. Really? Was this necessary? It’s bad enough that this stoner comedy is running less than 90 minutes without any genuine laughs to make it worthwhile, but then you try and dump this sentimental stuff on us? Look, go all raunch and disregard the rules, or try to make this a character study like the far better 50/50. Don’t try to dabble inbetween and insult your audience. But, wait, you already did. Idiots.
Even the appeal of Hill can’t save this movie. He tries to play his part, doing the best he can with his “loser” persona and his somewhat dull dialogue. But he can only do so much, and the other actors simply can’t follow suit. Worse, the movie doesn’t capitalize on any cameos or inspired bits to make you think of Hill’s better stuff. Like so many other B-grade comedies before it, The Sitter simply can’t capitalize on its material. David Gordon Green isn’t quite sure what he wants to go for here in terms of direction, and Jonah Hill can only do so much with the awful script. As a result, the movie is a waste of everyone’s time. Want a better flick? Go rent Adventures In Babysitting. Because no one should fuck with the babysitter.
