3. Atlas – Bioshock: “Would you kindly go ahead and grab that radio?” starts Atlas as you begin your trek into the dark underbelly of the one scientific Mecca that was Rapture. It was a place of such high ideals that ran wild and eventually consumed and destroyed itself. In the meantime, you have Atlas leading you around by the collar, his soothing voice keeping you going from point A to B and on to point C. His narrative voice spur you forward in the face of Splicers, Big Daddies and Little Sisters, oh my. Then you fight out he is actually Frank Fontaine, villain extraordinaire and he has been leading you around by a code-phrase the entire game. Every single time you heard “Would you kindly?” guess what, you kindly did. Isn’t psychology fun? After realizing that you’ve essentially been a means to an end for Atlas/Fontaine, the only real option is to put him back in his place, and by that, I mean kill him with grim efficiency. At this point, he’s got it coming. So, while you can either be good or evil throughout the story, regardless of morality, there is something immeasurably fun about slapping down a villain like Fontaine.
2. Wallace Wellesley – Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard: I bet you’re wondering why Wallace Wellesley is pretty close to the top of my list. Well, it isn’t because he has created a game that’s sole purpose is to kill the illustrious Matt Hazard, nor is it because he is just a jerk extraordinaire. It isn’t because he sets out to do whatever he can to kill you throughout the course of the game by any means necessary even going so far as killing the person helping you along the way. Yeah, he’s kind of a dick, but what sets him apart is the undeniable fact that he is voice by Neil Patrick Harris. Having that voice egging you on is just something that sets the villain apart by leagues and bounds from other games that have been released on the sole fact that every person who grew up in the 1980s remembers him. It’s a shot at nostalgia and while I normally wouldn’t be such a fan of pandering on the part of the game creators, I can’t stop smiling when I envision NPH as a villain; it just works on so many levels. So, while he is a truly evil villain, I confess that his voice bumped him just a bit higher on the list than due process deserved. But in all fairness, when you look at all the bad things that Wellesley does in the game there is one simple undeniable fact: NPH wouldn’t do that.
1. Everyone Else – Civilization Revolution: I’m going to clear the air very quickly on this one; I love Civ Revolution because it reminds me of the time I lose as a kid playing the original Civilization. I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours of sleep I lost and how many times I thought I might get a failing grade in a class because I had to play just one more round before calling it a night and next thing you know, it was time to shower and go to class. But for all the gameplay that was available, I will never be able to tell you how much I hated every other character be they AI or Human controlled. Not because they were there, but because alliances could fall apart at the drop of a hat and the first notice you usually got was when an army had stampeded through your border claiming to be on the way to fight a mutual enemy. Mutual enemy my butt, you stay away from my capital lest you feel the power of my nuclear bomb! For all the insane amount of fun I have had while playing Civ or any Sid Meier game for that matter, I have irrepressibly been unable to maintain the alliances any normal player should be able to out of the suspiciousness that keeps many real world leaders awake at night with paranoia. Call it whatever you want, but I just don’t like the idea of there being any fighting in my war room.
